How many watched Oprah?
Your thoughts?
Will it make a difference?
I would love to hear people’s thoughts.
Here’s a few of mine….
I think it may make a difference. Barring attendance at a sex abuse trial it’s seldom that the general public can see and hear grown men recounting the horrors of the abuse they endured as children.
As I watched I was reminded that the victims who took the stand at the inquiry weren’t allowed to testify to the specifics of their abuse. That I felt was a terrible disservice to both the victims and the mandate of the inquiry – flawed as it was – to inquire into the institutional response to historical allegations of abuse.
The response to allegations means nothing if one doesn’t know precisely what happened to those young lads to whom authorities all too frequently turned a blind eye. And, as far as I’m concerned it’s one thing to read what a victim may have had to say of his abuse, it’s quite another to watch him, and to hear him, as he recounts the horror. There is a look, and a tone, and a posture – I don’t know quite what it is, but it’s there, I’ve come to recognize it as a mark of male victims. The shame is palpable. I’ve seen it time and again when victims testify at trial. I saw it again on the Oprah show.
I personally was happy to see that a segment of the show focused briefly on the fact that the boy-victim is betrayed by his biological make-up. His body becomes aroused, even though he is repulsed by what is being done to him and wants nothing to do with it, his body responds to the unwanted sexual overtures. And, yes, as was noted, there are often pleasurable feelings associated with the arousal. The disdain for the abuse coupled with unbidden arousal and mysterious feelings of pleasure create immense confusion and a lifelong shame for that little boy.
I thought it was great to hear that discussed.
These are things people need to understand. And yes, these are things victims need to understand. The shame belongs to the molester.
So, although the one hour show seemed to be over and done with in the twinkle of an eye, I think it was well done. I think it may have a profound impact. I think and hope and pray that it may give thousands of male victims cause to summon the courage to come forward. And I think and hope and pray that it may have been one huge step in educating the public as to the unique difficulties faced by young boys who are sexually abused.
Hats off to Oprah. I honestly never watch her show. It’s just not my thing. But, I watched it yesterday. All I can say is hats off to Oprah. And, yes, hats off to the 200 men who filled the studio. A remarkable moment. A huge reminder to all male victims that there is no shame in being a victim. The shame is not yours. Never ever forget that. Believe it. The shame belongs to your molester AND to those who covered up on his behalf.
I confess that I couldn’t help but wonder if Justice Normand Glaude was watching?
*****
Ah, the wonders of the internet. We have seen, witness the case of Canada’s fugitive Oblate priest Father Eric Dejaeger,that slowly but surely the internet is making the world a smaller place for molesters to hide.
We have seen, witness the case of our abdicating and disappearing Bishop James Wingle, that the internet gives us eyes across the globe
And now we see, witness the case of Father Phillip Jacobs, that slowly but surely the internet is ensuring that dirty little secrets once tucked away in one little corner of the world can now reach the farthest corners of the earth.
How amazing is it that we can communicate with people in Saudi Arabiaabout Father Phillip Jacobs years at Jubail University College?
*****
Donald Grecco is out and about, ….somewhere.
Does he have his passport? I hope not.
Are there conditions attached to his current state of freedom? I hope so.
Can he reside with convicted molester Father James Kneale? I trust not.
Where is he staying? I haven’t a clue. No one has a clue. A convicted child molester who already breached his bail is out and about awaiting sentencing and his whereabouts are top secret.
This is Canada.
Note the following article:
05 November 2010: Priest released from custody
Note that the Crown decided Grecco had served a “long time” on a “simple” breach.
One month? A long time?
Note too that Grecco still must return to Belleville court 15 December 2010 to learn his fate on the breach offence!
Small wonder we get confused with courtroom goings on. I don’t know if Grecco has even been found guilty on the breach offence yet, but I do know that he hasn’t been sentenced. How then can the Crown conclude that he should be let loose because the month he has served is a “long” time?
Enough for now,
Sylvia
Thanks to Reality Checker’s blog on the Grecco thread I now see his bail conditions. There they are right at the end of the article.
Can you believe it? “He is also barred from being around children under the age of 16 unless they are aware of his charges”
Yes Sylvia, you are so right, the people have to know what really happens. I too am glad “you” have written so well about what has NOT been talked about or acknowledged for so long.
Re: Cornwall Public Inquiry: And as Father Doyle once attempted to vigorously rationalize when many of us accused him of “selling out” on the stand at the “Cornwall Public Inquiry”….he said he had been pre-conditioned and screened over and over, on what to say and not say, while he was providing testimony. I think he was also scolded for telling us that too…. In addition, I believe he wrote it off, as his ignorance and that he was attempting to follow the way “they” do things in Canada.
Re: Grecco;
So does this mean the “onus” is on children under the age of sixteen? (From the perspective of “them” forming new public policy, how does this type of thinking fit into the bigger puzzle….like in New Brunswick or elsewhere, where recent events report that disclosure or acknowledgement, may not be required (at least as far as the general public believes). What are these decision makers leading to?
I just watched the show this morning. You can view it online at http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Full-Episode-200-Adult-Men-Who-Were-Molested-Come-Forward-Video
It was horrifying to listen to what happened to these men as children. It was very courageous of them to come forward and tell their stories of abuse. One in six male children are sexually abused. I truly believe that we have pedophiles in every profession, and every level of government. They protect one another and their interests.
What can we do to bring about change, what can we do to protect our children?
Just watched a small part of Oprah and got very emotional. There is an army of men out there who have been victims and survivors of sexual and physical abuse at the hands of adult criminals, that also means a lot of men to help each other from the rapacious doings of those criminals. The biggest point I feel made here is that “this is not and never could be your fault” you did not do anything to bring on the decision to act that restsin the doing of and by the criminals. They stole from you, they stole your dignity and your souls. That said you are sadly left with the results. It is important that these events not define who you are as a person, you are good men, brothers, fathers and friends capable of love, of change and of growth far beyond what was done to you. It is fundamentally important to demand justice and to seek every amend owing to you as a person and to try to get some societal recognition of the wrongful action ontowards you from the abuser and their supports. The second stage of recovery and also greatly painful and difficult is the process of closure, the healing after that painfull and hurting time and the support of like affected souls. Anger, fear and resentment then become the enemy within that must be conquered so that your true wonderful childlike self can bask in the sunshine and warmth of love of a greater spirit. I can’t imagine the terror but I do reflect in horror how you have been able to survive. Take courage that you are not alone.
In earnest,
Michel
Michel B. :
you said ” It is important that these events not define who you are as a person, you are good men, brothers, fathers,and friends capable of LOVE, of change and of growth far beyond what was done to you.” You hit the nail on the head,that is something that needs to be said much more frequently because even though one may know that , it needs to be heard.
Your next line is equally beautifull. ” It is fundamentally important to demand justice…”
I would make a slight change to what follows (respectfully). That is: to demand justice everywhere you see injustice in the world.To stand for truth and in defence of those who are oppressed anywhere is in itself a journey to becoming wholey human.No doubt at all, it is not an easy road to take,but it is a cross that I happen to believe that the victims of childhood sexual abuse are specially gifted to bear.Jesus was there the whole time.
About the Oprah show.
One powerful image is seeing all those men stand up with their childhood photo of themselves. Those moments of silence & facial expressions spoke volumes to me.
One poster “tarnows” this person’s words described it way better than I would & I share this poster’s comments:
“This is precisely the reason that a show like this is so important. You’re not the only one who is tired of hearing about molesters and perhaps that’s because you have not had to walk your entire life with the burden of shame and self blame that most of these men have felt. You have to realize that there are still so many men out there who have not yet found their voice. Shows and awareness such as this give men hope and courage to seek help. The cost to society is far too great to keep burying our heads in the sand on the issue of child molestation in any form. These men spoke for so many others who have not yet found their own voice.”
I pray & hope that speaking out can help stop this cycle of abuse & help the survivor of sexual abuse to heal & live without fear of guilt & feeling ashamed. It is not their fault. The shame & the guilt belongs to the ABUSER.
All victims keep up your courage.
Lina