Statement given to Kateri Native Ministry of Ottawa staff

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The following statement was handed to John Corston, Executive Director of Kateri Native Ministry of Ottawa, during a meeting regarding Father Ed MacNeil’s background as a convicted child molester.  MacNeil had been scheduled to baptise this lady’s grandson.

____________________________

15 November 2010

Kateri Native Ministry Meeting

211 Bronson Ave.

Suite 310

Ottawa ON

Time: 7 PM

Re: Fr. Ed McNeil

 

What is the Roman Catholic’s believes, when a priest uses his position to molest children?

Priest who are molesters are transferred from parish to parish to molest again.  Where is the truth and reconciliation in that process?

The Archdiocese of the RC churches harbours pedophiles so they continue abusing children from parish to parish.

The Bishop knows, the ecclesiastical power structures knows about the sexual abuses and does nothing about it.

The churches are closing down right across Canada due to this problem.  The public/Catholics know what’s going on.

The court documents said in 1193 Fr. Ed was relieved of all responsibilities as a priest.

Lawsuit 1994 R v MacNeil

He went for treatment after his jail term.

Fr. Ed broke 4 of the 10 commandments when he robbed 7 or more boys of their innocence as a priest they all trusted along with their parents.

4 Honour they father and thy mother. (Ed molested the boys and shamed his parents on earth or heaven)

5 Thou shall not kill. (Ed murdered all the boy’s souls)

6 Thou shall not commit adultery. (Ed represents God and Jesus and he sexually abused boys)

8 Thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbour. (He lied to the parents and boys as a priest)

The effects of children who are sexually assaulted and bullied by priests are:

-depression

-nightmares

-emotional reserved

-guilt he feels

-wary of priests

-emotional damage to the entire families

-loss of trust

-squeezed as tight as he could, couldn’t breathe, gagging

-everything still alive and raw

-kept it quiet, burying the abuse inside

-traumatic

-talk about the monster and what he did

-can’t love, can’t touch, can’t give a guy a handshake

-you don’t allow anybody to get into your personal space

-biggest fear, turning gay

-left kids seriously questioning their spiritual beliefs

-can’t make sense of priest abusing him

-duration and severity

-pain so intense, sodomy

Oprah Winfrey TV show 4PM November 5, 2010

200 men were on her show, that were sexual abused as children

The side effects

 – immense shame, can’t talk about it- kept secret about childhood sexual abuse- living hell, when the abuse happened I would leave myself – my spirit separated from my body.

-I died as a five year old child.

-Speaking about sexual abuse released me feeling lighter.

-So different for men to talk about it-suppose to be protector-victimized by man-boys don’t cry.

-Prayers and hope, made me be able to speak the words.

-As boys afraid to say this is what happened to me, rape.

-Grooming, playing games, candy & donuts etc. Thought priest cared for him but stole his soul.

-Priest kept him in bondage of shame and told parents he needed him after school. After school bell rang    

his heart ached. He never had a chance as the repeated sexual abuse happened over and over again. The                    priest involved his brother in Grade 3.  (Sodomy, oral sex and other abuses, too severe to mention).

-Other priest got involved, ganged raped the brothers. (Grollier Hall residential school boys in Inuvik NT       went through similar sexual abuses by the Roman Catholic priest supervisors)

-All pain is the same. They have the story, same pain.

-Need to honour the terrible sexual abuse because it was the priest who did this.

-Need to release the guilt.

-Predators groom the innocent, most venerable luring them in to prepare for rape.

-Scared, young and naked 13 year old, more and more terrifying, horrifying, crying, paid with money by the priest to keep it quiet and went on with life until his father taped his phone conversations with priest.  It deeply changed him from an innocent boy to a profoundly destroyed person, crying inside everyday, taking away potential in life, don’t trust anymore and a very bitter man. Anger made his life miserable.

-need to take the power back from this priest. Kicked out, forgive a process, not okay-I am not going to allow this anymore.

-I have to accept the pass for what it is-Hope.

-Priest made my life out of control. Turned my life to drugs, alcohol and destroyed my life.  Still today it’s hard to get over the abuse.

-in and out of marriages. Abused at 7 years old, can remember how he was touched, like it was yesterday. Painful, kissed him, facial hair on face, smell of breath, didn’t like it but body deceived him by reacting with an erection.

-what’s worse? Abuse or aftermath. Broke trust and relationship. Marriages gone bad. Don’t feel good about self. Ashamed. At 17-18 turned to drugs and alcohol.  Told mom and sister, nobody believed him. Women felt they were to blame instead. Can’t stand hugs.

-the shame becomes darkness. Feel horror like a knife going through you. Lived with it for so long.

-Not their fault.

-It’s a crime. You feel ashamed, not even close.

-Psychologist Doctor was astounded. It moved him. Men feel ashamed because they are supposed to be in control. Second, feel weakness complicated with the body responds not because they like it, it’s not their fault. They go back because they think it won’t happen again but it does, it happens again. They are told, I love you and nurtured. They don’t know what love is. The molester is going after those children.  The victims have to break down the wall of shame.

-Huge impact, lack intimacy, disconnect, full of anger. How do you help them?

Oprah said they have the courage to stand up in silence here representing the millions of other men who are suffering in silence that were abused as children.

Oprah Winfrey TV show of November 12, 2010 on Sexual Assault of 200 men sexual abused as children

-failed little boys

-deep hole in soul

-showing courage by all being here today

-sexual abuse plants a seed of worthlessness. They act and act out later in their life.

-shut out and walk away from talking about it. They resent anyone, won’t go for help to recover

-don’t want to deal with sexual abuse because they feel inferior, unworthy for happiness that’s what they think of themselves which is very common

-Doctor Becker said that men who are abused as children kept the sexual abuse to self and did not talk about it. It takes time to get over it. They keep it in deep pain and turn to drugs and alcohol, gambling. Sexual abuse thinks the way you think of self. They act in worthless ways, dysfunctional messages that they don’t deserve love.

– a policeman who was sexual abused as a child worked on porn-images, of children. The stare on their faces got to him. This year he came out about the abuse. It clouded the boy abused inside of him until he worked on the porn images. He protected the small boy in him for a long time and it’s powerful all being here today recognizing they were all sexual abused.

– 81% of the men there considered suicide.

– a man sexual abused as a child had suicide thoughts while staring at a blank TV, can’t look forward to life, so scary the comfort of putting a gun to his head.

– break the wall down

-33% attempted suicide

-The men are carrying shame. Boy inside, be strong – your everything you need to live. Honour your space.

Oprah- men tear up. Society perceives men don’t cry and are accustomed that only women go through pain in sexual abuse. Come together in community to understand both sides.

-Dr.Becker- There is hope, courage to actual talk about the sexual abuse, volumes to pain out there. Help others to survive. Boys can’t hold pain. Stigma to sexual confusion (gay or not), men are devastated, manhood taken, safe way taken. In their mind they have no options. They question their sexuality. When someone is abused they are not having sex-they are being penetrated. The offender takes the life, pleasure and attention but not the child. The boys grow up to wonder if they are gay or not. It’s not true. People get confused about sexual abuse but that happens. They are afraid people see the gay person and thinks they’ll be found out. Boys sexual abused by woman think I wasn’t in charge and it was never suppose to happen. Sexual orientation dynamics is guys know they feel different. Sexual abuse kills the spirit of a child. They walk around like a dead person. Doesn’t feel pain. They know at the back of their head, I did something wrong-hurt self.

Sexual abuse felt dirty and I’m only good for abuse. It made me hate me.

– one survivor who works for Oprah said the abuse had control over him. He felt the abuse by the abuser. The aftermath takes control. He coped and was ready to heal. There are cleaver ways to live-healing-let himself feel the feeling. He cried big buckets of tears. He told himself, you have to mourn it.

Oprah-sexual abuse creates promiscuity by acting out that way.

Doctor Becker-worthiness issue-not their fault. Every tear manifestation of, I hear you etc. Little boy doesn’t die, is in a safe place. As an adult you have compassion to protect the little boy who wants to heal and give the boy permission to hear that truth. 1st step to heal- child molester who said he cared and loved you, thought a lot of you. The molesters killed him and murdered his soul. That’s what they do.

-one of the men said, yes, I heard that’s what abusers did, killed him inside. He could have been a better person.

Oprah- You have to mourn what happened.

Doctor – Acknowledge what happened. They need professional help. It’s not love, they say it but that’s not love.

Oprah- How to move forward with truth.

Doctor- Speak it to someone who understands. Get more help – tools, self-help, meditate, manage flash backs and contain it. Trauma , lots of things can be done. Man and boy needs to get together for peace as one.

Wife-my husband went through great depression and rages. It just keeps going. Hurtful myths like they can re-molest .

Doctor- yes it’s a myth. Molesters have been molested. Most men abhor that type of violence and won’t do that again. They are terrified of children. It triggers when changing diapers.

Oprah- Molested men distant themselves to keep safe. Where do you get help? 200 men here.

Doctor- Get help through therapist, groups, survivors, resources for men, go there.

Oprah- the men in prison-molested as boys, rage manifested into crime etc.

Mark- molested by priest started by rubbing back-told he loved him, half naked, sodomized and raped. Diocese was indifferent. They put the diocese ahead of innocent boys. The priest has eaten him like cancer and tormented him and his partner. It took a supporter who was offended by the same priest to become a new side of him-a long journey to move forward. The Roman Catholic Church never acknowledged or charged the priest. He represents something dark.

Oprah- There’s hope to come out and talk about the sexual abuse. Ray’s the courageous one.

Ray replies, I am not the only one.

Notes taking by [Grandma]

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