As most ot you know, I am in the States right now and will not be back home until Monday night. My ability to get to the computer is limited. I can receive but not repond to emails.
I received an email from Patrick yesterday. It was copied to several people,
Many of you know Patrick. Patrick was the first victim of Basilian child molester Hod Masrshall to come forward. Patrick is a good man. I think the world of him. I have told him several times that he owns a special little corner of my heart. He does, as does his lovely family.
Patrick’s email was copied to a number of people. I am going to share it with you. Please please keep Patrick, his family, and all victims in your prayers.
Hi,
This is Patrick McMahon. I guess most of you know me in one way or another. Some of you perhaps only know of me. All of you know me as a victim of 50-year sexual abuser, pedophile and Basilian priest Hod Marshall. Some of you I am long overdue to say hello to (Tina and Melinda) and I apologize for that.
I lost my job a couple hours ago – third one in the past 15 months. I think that is some sort of record. It is for me at least. I had never previously lost a job. I’m sure nobody can ever really understand what that evil human being Marshall did to each of the children he abused – partly because everyone is affected differently. For me it is hard to imagine that losing three jobs after having started my pursuit of this monster is unrelated to his actions.
Anyway, I can’t explain it ………. but I want the world to know that the damage he and his kind do carries on and on and on ……… Even my girls are crying now. So … I am just telling my small little corner of the world ………. though I really don’t know why. I just had to.
I apologize to each of you if I have intruded on your privacy in any way. I’m sorry for that.
So much pain.
Patrick, I felt I had to share this. There are many people out here who think highly of you. They need to know that you are going through a very diffiuclt time right now. They can’t help if they don’t know. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I wish I had more time right now, but I have an appointment and have to run.
Enough for now,
Sylvia
Hello Patrick: I have never had the pleasure of meeting with you. Firstly, I have never been directly sexually abused and I am not Roman Catholic. I do not practice an organized religion. What I would like to say is that I was, at one time, a counsellor. Many of my clients/friends were victims of sexual abuse and other abuses of power and control. I spent many long hours interacting with victims and trying to help to facilitate their recoveries, reintegration to school, the workplace or other. I finally burned out after many years—I believe, I just got too involved. Patrick, my return to work and “living” has not been easy either. Believe me Patrick, I am not trying to say my problems are/were anywhere near comparable to what you have experienced. Patrick, I always had faith in God of my understanding and I had faith in the victims/survivors I attempted to help. I had faith that if I never gave up, I would live and be able to “serve” my loved one’s and others. I knew my family loved me and were worried for me. I had faith, that if I used the “social net” whenever needed, I would find my “way back”; for the longhaul or in short intervals. I had to take “babysteps”. There is help Patrick, but “we” must not give up. We cry, feel and express our emotions. We learn how to express these feelings/emotions in a constructive manner. There is knowledge, there is help. “But For The Grace of God Go I”. My warmest regards Patrick. James
Prima, do you realize you used *I* 23 times.?
Tim: What is accomplished by your comment above other than to belittle what Prima has shared? Please understand that such comments do nothing to advance the discussion nor offer comfort or consolation to anyone. It serves only to perhaps keep others from sharing their stories.
You are not doing ‘good’. You are only harming others. I appreciate your desire to ‘defend’ the Church, but such help is not beneficial to either her or the victims of abuse.
Fr. Tim
Thank you Father Tim!!!
The pitbull with lipstick didn’t have to attack – you beat me to it!!!
Well said!!!
You never found a lady poster you could not defend, Father. If you found something in her post which would be helpful to a person in recovery from anything, would you please identify it for me. Or, retreat to la-la-land.
Tim: Let’s start with the fact that Prima self identifies as a man (James), not a woman. Perhaps if you take the time to actually read what someone posts rather than racing to insult them, you might learn a few things.
Next, as you have pointed out, none of us actually ‘know’ each other. Given that, perhaps you could explain how it is that you have insight into people’s psyche that you can tell what is legitimate from what is not? I choose to accept people at face value in these threads. I trust that others will do the same for me. I don’t seem to have your gift of insight and capacity to read the personality of others from a distance.
Finally, I was raised with manners, such as treating people with respect. I guess you were raised differently?
Fr. Tim
Father, as many of the Priests in your Diocese would say, there goes Moyle spouting off again. I know a lot of them who say that.
Tim: Glad you know some priests. Spend some more time with them. It may do you some good.
Fr. Tim
Tim, there is a victim who is suffering. prima facie reached out to him, and you took a shot at prima facie. You said nothing to give comfort or support to Patrick, you simply took a swing at prima facie. I don’t understand. That helps no one, least of all Patrick.
Sylvia, I am surprised you found there was anything helpful in Primas letter for Patrick. Iread it about 4 times, and all I saw was what she was not, what she had not done, and what she does not do anymore.
I was in a recovery programm 29 years ago, and that kind of mush would have caused me to go back out. It helps no one. She and i are tied- neither of us knows Patrick, nor his problems. It is not a one-size-fits-all typethat any individual needs.
I have experience counselling also, lots of it. and it is not all in the past.
Superficial pap as Fr. Tim and she offer might sound good to someone who just lost a pair of socks, but, it does not help much with life-altering shocks, or life-style changes.
Perhaps I do not belong on a blog that wishes to deal with matters with kid gloves. Difficult matters call for difficult solutions. Tim
Tim: ‘Superficial pap’? Bull feathers! As a licensed social worker (with the requisite University degrees to back that up) and as a parish priest, I offer what I can… but it isn’t ‘pap’, superficial or otherwise.
All that I ask you to offer is civility and charity. Are these beyond your capacity? I hope not for that would mean it’s time to head back to your recovery program for a tune up.
Fr. Tim
Pity there is not one for you or other social workers. How did the world ever get along without social workers? I can not recall them being in early Rome, or Greece, or Jerusalem, or even in Munich
Patrick, as a survivor I just want to say I am sorry you are in such pain. It is the awful reality for clergy sexual abuse survivors that we are continually surprised by the reaches the affects of the abuse have in our lives. Once again, thank you for your courage in coming forward, although it may not feel like it now to you, your coming forward has made a difference in many lives. For me personally, your parent’s victim impact statements were particularly helpful to me in acknowledging that destructive anger I had towards my parents for not readily supporting me through the trial process.
Thanks for taking the time to reach out at this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Don’t know how to change my handle but regardless – Sylvia???
It’s time for SECRET SANTA!!! (I’ll call when you get back)
Then later – I’m going to tell you a story Patrick. A Christmas story because…..there is a GOD and he will take care of you. I know. Have faith!!!
PS….he also put angels on this earth
🙂
The idea of sharing one’s personal experiences (hence the first person) is used to help others know, “they are not alone”. Hopefully “they” will then be more willing to “advance”. It is my understanding and training, among other things, that “altruism” is very beneficial in self-healing. I try to stay away from telling people what they “should do” or “must do”…even when I was counselling. Thank-you looking for clarification. James
Patrick you are doing the right thing by expressing your pain here and I only hope that you do have in your ‘real’ enviroment a person or people that you can talk to right now. It is very important for you to have some system of support Patrick and would you mind indicating on this site or to Sylvia via e-mail or phone as to whether or not you do have immediate support?
If you would like to e-mail a response to me , I will post it here as soon as you request it.
Take good care of yourself and your girls Patrick,
Larry Green
What I meant to say is I will post my e-mail address on here as soon you request.
Fr. Moyle I will close down my correspondence with you for all time with just this bit of advice. If you spent some more time with some good Priests I know, you would be different. If you spent the time you spend blogging on the needy in your parish, you would be doing your work, If you did not try so hard to polish your image, you might see yourself for who you are.
May God, in His Mercy, bring light into your Priesthood ! Tim
Tim: I thank you for your good wishes. My best to you as well. May God bring you peace.
Fr. Tim
I like what Tim Dooling wrote above to Fr.Tim. That is what he needs to do. very good point.
To say I am incredibly saddened, fully disgusted and ultimately dismayed by the above does not even come close to expressing my feelings at the moment. Is THAT what this site is about? Is THAT what we are here for? Is this for real?? 20 comments and three or four have anything to do with the subject? I could just throw up reading what I see. I am so very disappointed.
I’d like to make a couple points though I have serious reservations about even posting on this site seeing the above.
1. Thank you Leona. I am glad my parents’ statements helped you. While the above comments and events of past days, months, years hinder my acceptance of what you say in my own regard, I appreciate your intent.
2. My email was not intended for this site though I do not fault Sylvia for posting it as she did so with good intention and a good heart. Shame it brought out such ugliness. Shame. I think I will say it again. SHAME.
My email was rash and not well-thought out. I intended to:
1. Notify my family I lost my job so I didn’t have to be phoning everyone.
2. Reach out to some friends and survivors of Marshall’s abuse and tell them I am hurting.
3. More than anything, I included some media I respect on the distribution to make clear that sexual criminals like Marshall inflict pain, suffering and damage that lasts and lasts. I hope they understand and publicize how it doesn’t end so easily for survivors of these predators.
Do I hurt? Sure. So what!? “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” Well-said. Funny that puts a smile on my face wondering if others can identify that quote as quickly as it popped into my head.
I didn’t post the email and I didn’t ask here for anything for me. I’m quite used to hurt thank you. What truly hurts is my daughters crying because they can’t go see “The Polar Express” at the Caesars Colosseum. I had signed them up and promised to take them and their friends. They were so excited but Caesars has banned me from their property. “Standard termination practice”. Ho Ho Ho.
Hang in there Patrick this to shall pass and you will give your children your best no matter what your occupational status is at the moment… Yes I believe personality challenges are a result of the abuse. Frustration levels are shorter and relating to people is difficult and troublesome as result. Recovery is a road of inches hen you think it is all mopped up something else comes a calling to challenge you. Be as strong as you can be seek out trusted supports and share with them this might help to get your bearings again..I hope so you in my prayers Patrick the hunter, Patrick the father and Patrick the man
Beautiful thoughts for Patrick, Michael Bertrand.
An urgent message for the 2 Tims: This was not about you.
Northern: Point taken. I will return to simply reading. Thank you. Fr. Tim
Patrick,
No need to explain. Most of us understood the reason for the post and have nothing but praise for your honesty.
Focus on your family. They are the only ones who really matter.
Patrick – Please know that there is an Army of us standing with you in this battle that you didn’t ask to be a part of. To be honest, it is a miracle that I haven’t lost my job since my ordeal has come back into the centre of my life. And to say my children have directly suffered due to the abuse I endured, would be the understatement of the century! It breaks my heart every day. And to Father Tim, Please do not stop posting. I realize that this was a very difficult thread for everyone involved but your advocacy for survivors strengthens my belief and faith that there are good men in the priesthood and that there is still hope for our church.
December 1st to 8th is Male Abuse Awareness Week. Today’s fact: Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to suffer from PTSD, other anxiety disorders, and depression than those who have never been abused sexually. They also have a high incidence of alcohol and drug use. For example, the probability for alcohol problems in adulthood is about 80% for men who have experienced sexual abuse, as compared to 11% for men who have never been sexually abused.
http://www.help4guys.org/
Hello Patrick,
I cannot begin to comprehend the pain that you have suffered and the countless ways being sexually molested by a pedophile priest has impacted, and still impacts, your life and your family’s lives. One of my family members is a victim of a pedophile priest.
I just want to thank you for coming forward and telling the authorities about the abuse you suffered. I have no doubt that your courage has also given other victims the courage to come forward and tell their own horror stories. We need all victims to come forward and keep telling about the abuse they suffered. Until the church is forced to rid itself of the very pedophile clergy member.
I will say a prayer for you and your family.
That second last sentence should read…
Until the church is forced to rid itself of the very last pedophile clergy member.
Patrick,
Thank you for speaking out about what that monster did to you. We need more people like you in the world and only then will it be safe for our children! You are a hero and I pray that you will find meaningful employment quickly. God Bless you and your family!