A nightmare that continues to haunt; EDITOR'S NOTE: May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. The women interviewed were victimized when they were girls and wish to remain anonymous.

Cornwall Standard Freeholder 

Monday, May 21, 2007 - 08:00 

Stephanie Stein

Local News - The abuse that Marie says she suffered at the age of six still haunts her to this day.

Marie (not her real name), was sexually assaulted by her father, four of his friends, and her brother. None of the attackers was ever convicted of molesting her, but her father spent time in prison for sexually assaulting her sibling.

The attacks against Marie finally stopped when she turned 16.

"I shut myself off. I didn't trust (anyone). I never dated. I turned to alcohol and drugs until the age of 26," she said. "I felt alone and isolated. I felt people could see I'd been abused."

After years of taking pain killers to numb the emotional trauma she was experiencing, and losing everything, including herself, she got down on her knees and prayed. And also made a telephone call.

"I called addiction services, and they referred me to Charlene Roy at Maison Baldwin House. She saved my life," she said.

Marie finally received the help necessary for her healing, and at the age of 40 she's found peace.

And with a smile she said: "I've come to realize that it was never my fault. I went from having nothing to having everything I want - contentment, peace, love, and courage."

Battling against sexual assault

The message she wanted to send out to victims of sexual abuse is to never give up, and don't be silent.

You're not alone, she says.

The Cornwall Community Hospital Assault and Sexual Abuse program (ASAP) is promoting the idea of "Seeds of Change" to highlight Sexual Assault Awareness Month in May, in an effort to raise awareness, and decrease sexual assault occurrences.

Canadian police services receive a report of a sexual assault every 29 minutes every day, on average.

Most women (69 per cent) are sexually assaulted by men known to them. Only six per cent of these crimes are reported to police.

Between seven and 17 per cent of men experience sexual assault in adulthood.

Sexual assault, according to Sarah Kaplan, a social worker with the Cornwall Community Hospital, is any unwanted touch, or force.

"Anytime you're feeling uncomfortable," Kaplan said.

What frustrates Kaplan the most is the process women have to go through in order to find justice. Most of the time, she explained, defence lawyers make the victim feel as if they're lying about what happened, or they were somehow responsible for their assault.

"That's as ridiculous as saying to someone who's been robbed, 'Oh your drapes were hanging seductively, I think you wanted your house to be broken into," she said.

Kaplan said years ago women were often considered the property of men, and many were forced to marry their rapist. Taking a woman's virginity meant she was his regardless of the intent, she continued. Since women were declared persons in 1929, some progress has been made, but society still has a long way to go, Kaplan said. Many sex offenders are barely penalized for their crimes, she argues.

"Men have been taught to be aggressive and violent, but they're not inherently violent," she said.

Even though men have also been victims of sexual assault, Kaplan said, men choose to stay silent for fear of social alienation and stigma.

The community social worker said the long-term effects are horrific, even if the attack only happened once. But with the right support, victims of sexual assault can heal and lead normal lives.

Janice, a 46-year-old Cornwall resident, (not her real name) was sexually assaulted starting at the age of five by adult family members and friends.

"I got help at 16 because I was suicidal. I was scared. I thought it was my fault. I felt a lot of shame," she said.

She had to have corrective genital surgery at the age of 18 because she was so badly injured following repeated rapes.

After travelling a traumatic journey, she emerged healed.

"I had to feel it to heal it," she said.

Following 27 years of marriage, and after having two children, she feels as though she's on the road to healing.

"Don't stay silent," she said.

Mental health professionals encourage victims of abuse to contact the Sexual Assault Support Services crisis line anytime, day or night, at (613) 932-1603, or during business hours at (613) 932-1755.

Seed packages are available free of charge, to create a visual and symbolic commitment to ending abuse, at gardening centres, area hospitals, health units, public libraries and other agencies.

For more information call Sarah Kaplan at (613) 932-3300 x. 4202.