A circle of men

Unique counselling program breaks the barriers of masculinity, and lets the healing begin 

Ottawa Sun 

15 July 2007  

By JENN GEAREY, SPECIAL TO SUN MEDIA  

He cups a smooth, rounded stone in his hands and says that it symbolizes wisdom; that it takes thousands of years for a stone to become like that.   

He explains that each man who steps into that room holds that very stone in his hands and by doing so, is given the floor to talk.    

Rick Goodwin is referring to the men in his therapy groups. He is co-founder and executive director of The Men's Project, a non-profit organization providing counselling in the Ottawa and Cornwall areas specifically designed for men.   

"Men sit in a circle and shift out of their rational mind, becoming vulnerable," says Goodwin. "They share with others, getting the implicit trust and safety of the group in return."   

SAFE PLACE   

Goodwin says the doors of The Men's Project provide a place where men can talk, cry, laugh, reflect in silence, and bury the macho male stigmas that weigh them down in everyday life.     

Through male conditioning, Goodwin says, men are made to feel like masculinity is a long list of to-do and to-be items that are impossible to fulfill.    

 "The sense of masculine identity is being a tough guy, being the alpha male, feeling a sense of competition, aggression, and not being able to hold any characteristics that are considered feminine," says Goodwin.    

 "For guys, to be a guy's guy, they have to hold all these things, and that's impossible. So guys wrestle with a sense of inability."    

From anger management to substance abuse, post-abuse healing to fathering skills, The Men's Project offers group and individual therapy designed to help men mend their pain and suffering and rediscover their identity without the lenses of a victim or the stigma of maleness.     

"A multi-service for guys like this is unique," says Goodwin. "Once the door closes and the do-not-disturb sign goes up, we can achieve pretty much anything."     Goodwin knows what it takes to get across to men. His work started in the 1980s working on the other side of the abuse spectrum -- with abusive men.     

It wasn't until the mid 1990s that Goodwin and friend Larry Gauthier felt a need to address the gap in therapeutic services for men.     

With a one-room donation from Ottawa's YMCA, The Men's Project was on newborn feet.     

Goodwin volunteered for the first year and a half, but the demand for programs grew to such heights that he was needed full-time.     

Leaving his teaching job at Algonquin College's social service program, Goodwin responded with dedication.     

His multi-faceted, multi-therapeutic Project would be the first of its kind anywhere in Canada and grew to be one of the nation's leading counselling and educational agencies for men. In Ontario, it has already been a lifesaver for countless men and their families.     Just last month, Goodwin received an award from the provincial government for his outstanding achievement in victim services.     

 "For the agency, it was like winning the Stanley Cup. And for me, it was like getting the Conn Smythe award -- as the most valuable player," says Goodwin.     

But the award perhaps points out the gap in services for men even more.     

"We're the only agency in Ontario dealing with physical and sexual abuse in men," says Goodwin.    

 "Meanwhile, there are 34 sexual assault centres in Ontario for women ... I think there's an historic bias that men are abused less than women."     

Goodwin says his group is on the brink of understanding and intervening with men through a new lens of understanding -- different from the conventional, feminist understanding of things.     

He says that giving only half the population access to needed victim services could be construed as a human rights abuse, and that comes at a cost to society.     

"We're paying for these guy survivors not getting help -- they're drinking, drugging and filling up the court and psychiatric systems."      

Addressing childhood abuse, Goodwin says, is one of the common reasons for program enrolment.     

 'PSYCHOLOGICAL DEATH'     

"Even for a guy to admit he's been victimized is an incredible achievement," says Goodwin. "It means they have to admit their psychological death because the male persona is supposed to be invulnerable."     

Anger management is another program that The Men's Project offers. Goodwin says employers like OC Transpo and the City of Ottawa have even paid for employees to attend these classes to help them better handle their feelings.     

"The concept of emotional intelligence is emotional integrity," says Goodwin. "It's about having profound honesty with one's self, taking responsibility for one's behaviour and breaking out of the guy code."     

Most group programs last 10 weeks, but most men carry on to other programs after one is finished. No one is turned away because of their inability to pay.    

"It's amazing, but men can achieve a lot of fundamental changes in 10 weeks," says Goodwin.     

 While funding is still a challenge, Goodwin continues to look ahead and find ways to increase the Project's financial support to provide men in Ottawa with the realm of services they need.    

"I'd like to add to our menu," says Goodwin. "I'd like our services to be more focused on health promotion in the future. We don't yet do work that is preventative in nature."      Unfortunately, being a just-for-men's group comes with its own set of stigmas that doesn't always lend itself to being funding-friendly.     

"We're often seen with suspicion," says Goodwin. "What we want is gender justice ... living gender equality between men and women ... there are too many guys just falling through gaps in existing services."